June 16, 2011

Louis XXXVVII Claims the French Throne; Demands that Sarcozy Resign

Francois Genthenbuber
Unassociated Press

Amidst the tumultuous political and economic climate that is engulfing Europe, another power struggle is underway. “This is my birthright and my calling, it belongs to me and so it must be!” shouted a defiant Louis the XXXVVII.

Speaking to a dedicated group of followers at the annual Renaissance faire in Marseille, his supporters cheered wildly as he spoke about resurrecting lost pillars of French culture.

“My great-great-great-great grandfathers would quiver in disbelief to witness the agony and treachery which has befallen our land. By reinstating me to the throne, I will reverse the horrific nightmare which now plagues our country.” Mr. Louis XXXVVII then proceeded to read aloud his five-point plan that he would implement as King:

1) All government officials are to wear wigs, as was custom throughout 18th century France

2) Every female member of Parliament is to be expelled immediately

3) All migrants, including those with no French ancestry are to become indentured servants of the State (excluding tourists)

4) Full and immediate withdrawal from the European Union, and dissolution of the Euro as accepted currency

5) Full and complete control of all domestic and foreign affairs is granted to the King

Louis XXXVVII then called upon French President Nicolas Sarcozy to immediately abdicate his position, and for Parliamentary powers to be revoked and reduced to mere advisory roles.

After issuing his demands, he then led his followers to the top of Eifel Tower, where they chanted ‘Viva la France’ for 45 minutes.

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