March 27, 2011

ACLU Sues the Animal Kingdom for Discrimination against Gay Animals

Rupert Wekler

Unassociated Press

In a lawsuit which names ‘Mother Nature’ as a defendant, the American Civil Liberties Union charges that the animal kingdom is purposely discriminating against homosexuality.

“Generation after generation, the animal kingdom continually teaches its offspring that heterosexuality is the only choice...we believe that they should learn alternative lifestyles, just like children in schools today” said ACLU Chief Counsel, Hermin Werzberg.

The suit also claims ‘Nearly every species perpetuates an environment that is hostile to creatures who suffer with gender identity.”

President Barack Obama has not taken a side with the plantiffs or the animal kingdom, and instead advocated the need for ‘social acceptance’ while vacationing in the Bahamas. Talk Radio host Lush Rimbaugh denounced the lawsuit: “With this country facing a $17,000 budget deficit and unemployment at 5.3%, we should not be focused on this non-issue.”

The Center for Family Values (CFV) filed a friend of the court brief to support the defendants, with CFV President Randall Smythe saying, “If it ain’t broken don’t fix it. Why try to change the laws of nature after they’ve been set for millions of years?"

The case also has strong support in Sacramento, with state senator Mark Leno (D-San Francisco) leading the effort to also pass a bill which would require pet owners to educate their pets about alternative lifestyles. When asked why he is supporting the case, Leno replied “I once had a male hamster named Lewis, and Lewis was rejected by his female counterparts - because I know he was gay and never had any support amongst the animal many other gay creatures are out there, and afraid to come out of the closet?”

The case was filed with the Federal District Court in San Francisco, with Judge Vaughn Walker presiding.

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March 2, 2011

Congressman Proposes 'Youtube Viewer Equality' bill after his On-line Speech receives 'one' View

Boliver Dorth
Unassociated Press

“Today is a monumental day for internet viewership equality" said Missouri Congressman Lacy Clay during a fiery speech before the House.

He has authored a bill called the ‘Youtube Viewership Equality Decree (YVED)' which would mandate that Youtube, and all other video sharing sites allocate a fixed amount of views to each submitted video.

Mr. clay also said “It is discriminatory to favor one video over another. I do not know who that ‘one’ viewer is who saw my speech, but whomever it is - he must be very offended to know that he is all alone.”

The speech to which he refers is one that he gave Feb. 22 on the House floor, where he derided Economist/Historian Thomas DiLorenzo, and mocked Austrian economics. When asked by reporters how many views his video should receive, he replied “Whatever Justin Bieber gets, I oughta get.”

The bill also has bi-partisan support from Republicans such as Rep. Eric Cantor - whose Youtube response to the State of the Union has received 11 views so far.

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