October 4, 2008

Congress Proposes National Name Change to 'U.S.S.A.'

Unassociated Press

- Following the passage of the $857B Wall Street bailout bill, Congress addressed one final issue before departing for their 3-month recess: a National name change. In an address to 534 members of Congress, House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) introduced H.R. 15798211.

The legislation would mandate that Congress be allowed to change the name of U.S.A. to 'U.S.S.A: The United Socialist States of America.' Rep. Boehner said that Congress should no longer masquerade the true political identity of America. "After the nationalization of education, health care, the credit markets and financial services industry, we have finally progressed into a Socialist society," Boehner said.

Following the approval of the 435-page bailout bill, congressional members began to discuss the current status America's political system, which led to Boehner's introduction of H.R. 15798211. Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) co-sponsored the bill, and also voiced his support for the National name change. "We here in Congress are in a moment of Zen, with complete control and oversight of every action of the U.S. economy. We can search and spy without a warrant, monitor every financial transaction, control the credit market, and pass any bill we want to at any time."

The bill is expected to pass with little opposition. One such opponent is Congressman Ron Paul of Texas, who offered an alternative to the 'U.S.S.A.' name change. "We must not allow this nation to sink further into the abyss of government control, and this name change will only make matters worse for the American public." His alternative proposal: change the 50 stars on the U.S. Flag to 50 Corporate logos. "If we are going to be honest, let us show the American people who really controls the government."

President Bush is expected to sign the name-change legislation before he heads off to his Hooked on Phonics graduation ceremony.

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