August 22, 2008

Obama Promises that Nobody Will Ever Die if He's Elected

Unassociated Press

- While addressing a crowd of over 580,000 supporters in Chicago, IL, Sen. Barack Obama proposed a landmark plan to prevent all deaths from occurring in America. He dubbed it the 'Death Prevention Act.'

With shouts and cries of support from the crowd, Obama attempted in vain to quiet them down as he continued his speech. "I know you're all a little bit excited, but if anymore of you faint, I'm gonna run out of water bottles."

The climax of his speech transpired as he unveiled his plan to prevent all deaths from occurring in America, if he is elected President. The plan would include the creation of additional federal departments and regulatory agencies.
Sitting up front and waving signs that read 'Change' and 'Yes We Can,' representatives from the American Association of Retired People were arguably the loudest cheering supporters.

Nearly twenty minutes into his speech, Sen. Obama began taking questions from the crowd in a town hall fashion. Adam Botscker of Casper,WY asked Obama, "What can you do to prevent on-the-job head injuries? I nearly died on my construction job." Obama responded by saying that he would create a "Department of Concussion Prevention" to prevent all future head injuries.

Sally Potts of Albany, NY asked Obama what he would do to prevent suicide, given that her husband recently jumped off of the Brooklyn Bridge. Obama replied, "I am glad you asked that - in fact I have a plan to create another agency called the Department of Suicide, which will prevent all suicides from ever occurring again."

Anthony Gregory of Berkley,CA also fielded a question to Obama. "Senator, what can you do to prevent the deaths of our troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, and how are you going to pay for this proposed plan?" After pausing for nearly one minute, Obama responded, "Well, I promise to prevent all deaths from occurring in America, but not for overseas. And as for the money, my friend Ben Bernanke assured me that we will have enough to pay for this."

In concluding his speech, Sen. Obama promised to establish over 144 new federal departments and regulatory agencies as a part of his landmark 'Death Prevention Act.'

~ End of Transcript


The Trombone Player said...

Johnathan...this rocked. Very funny......

Daniel - ronpaul-18 said...

I'll second what mr trombone said. I love this one :)

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