August 17, 2008

McCain Promises to Declare War on the World

Unassociated Press

- During his annual speech to the Defense Contractors Association, Senator McCain outlined his plans to pursue a more aggressive foreign policy than the current administration. In attendance were representatives from BAE, Lockheed Martin, Halliburton and nearly fifty-five other Defense Contractors.

"My friends, we have to realize that there are many people around the world who do not like us. This is simply unacceptable. They are either with or against us."

Sen. McCain emphasized, that during his recent world tour with Senators Graham & Lieberman, no one applauded or cheered for them upon their arrivals. "Frankly we were insulted. We took the time out of our three day work-week to visit London, Beirut, Paris, and Rome, and not so much as a 'Thank You' from those ungrateful foreigners."

This elicited a score of 'boos' from the audience, as Sen. McCain concurred and nodded his head in disbelief. He then began to shake and turn red, with his wife Cindy calming him down and waving a fan in his face.

After regaining his composure, Sen. McCain continued to expound upon his new foreign policy. "We are at a time when the world is solidly against us, and at this point it's either us or them. I'm sorry my friends, but this is a zero-sum game."

Nearing the end of his speech, McCain added, "If elected President, I will initiate a pre-emptive war against the entire world, utilizing every military resource available." The whole crowd quickly erupted in cheers and applause for Sen. McCain.

~ End of Transcript

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